


these wings won't let me fly

by winterspirit13



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angel Wings, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chloe Decker Finds Out, Chloe KNOWS, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lucifer cuts off his wings, Lucifer whump, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Beta Read, Self-Harm, Whump, Wingfic, caretaker chloe, he tries to hide the fact he's hurt but chloe finds out, hurt!Lucifer, so here's my deckerstar take, they didn't spend enough time on the whole "hey I'm cutting off my limbs!"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 05:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17822456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterspirit13/pseuds/winterspirit13
Summary: Lucifer can't stand his wings. He cuts them off again and again, but what are the consequences? When Chloe needs him on a case and he's vulnerable, he might try and act himself, but one thing leads to another and his secret is discovered. AKA some really shameless self-indulgent fanfiction because I wish they delved into it more! But of course, a happier deckerstar ending.





	these wings won't let me fly

His wings. His horrible, manipulating wings were back, and by the looks of it, they were here to stay

  
Not that Lucifer hadn’t tried, of course. Even though Maze had stubbornly refused to help cut them off for the second time – although, as it had brought her, a demon from literal Hell, to tears, he could understand – he had managed it himself. The angle was a pain, but not more than the whole angel thing. It took him nearly twice as long, but there wasn’t any other choice he felt like he would be willing to make. Lucifer couldn’t stand them.

  
He was back at it this morning, no matter how futile it seemed. When Lucifer had them, it was just too much of a reminder of his lack of free will against his father. After all this time, he wouldn’t even let him properly rebel, dammit. He even had trouble keeping them tucked away in their own bit of reality – not that the lovely ladies he met seemed to mind that bit all too much. That thought, at least, that he could use his wings for something so sinful felt almost good, if it weren’t for the fact just feeling them on his back was violating.

  
Lucifer tried to keep his mind on the distracting thought, with a brief flicker of a smile, but as he made the last slice across his back, it transformed into more of a grimace. There was a dull thud as the second wing hit the hard floor of his penthouse.

  
He needed to bandage his back. He felt fuzzy and cold from the blood oozing out of the two open wounds at a steady pace but getting up felt like too much of a bother at the moment. Sloth.  
A few minutes later – or, ten? Maybe more? Lucifer was startled out of his stupor with the sound of his phone ringing. If he hadn’t recognized the Detective’s ringtone, he might have simply left the call to go to voicemail, but he couldn’t bring himself to ignore her today.

  
Or at the very least, he told himself, the case might very well be a welcome distraction from the “gift” his dear old Dad kept persisting he kept.

  
He armed himself with a devilish grin, despite the fact Lucifer knew she wouldn’t be able to see him. “Why, hello, Detective,” He greeted. He hoped that the slight tremor in his voice wasn’t too detectable over the phone.

  
“Lucifer? We have a case. A double homicide, and from this guy’s MO, we think he might try and kill again. Not a crime of passion it’s – well, it’s too soon to say, but we need to get there ASAP.” Her voice was sharp, demanding as she got when she was truly focused on a case. She truly had concern for the safety of others – something Lucifer had to admire in her.

  
“Oh, well now that is interesting Detective!” His mind could definitely be distracted by this, he just needed to clean himself up, and –

  
“Right, that’s why I’m outside Lux. Get in, and let’s go to work.” Chloe’s tone made sure her partner knew that she was business focused in such a no-nonsense way that Lucifer realized if he made her wait much longer she might just take the elevator up and try to drag him out herself.

  
Whatever the details on the case, there was something about it that must have truly disturbed the Detective.

  
He let his voice get soft. “I’ll be there in just a moment, then, Detective.” He hung up and quickly evaluated the situation.

  
He didn’t have as much time as he would like to clean up, but he at least bandaged up his back and put on a proper suit – simple, black, and hopefully enough to hide the bandage messing up his silhouette. His hair may have been a bit disorderly, but he at least combed through it in his rush. Couldn’t let anyone catch on now, could he?

  
Besides, Lucifer would hate for the Detective to have much else to worry about at the moment – not that she would really believe him, anyway.

  
He pushed the elevator to go down, leaving his bloody hacked wings on the floor. Amenadiel would get rid of them, for the umpteenth time, he was sure. After all, Amenadiel was so stupidly convinced now at Lucifer’s status as a “test” from their father. Not that he would help for any other reason, he thought bitterly.

  
The pain had faded to a dull and steady thrum, so while it wouldn’t heal quite as quickly with the Detective by his side, he was sure he would be able to manage.

  
Well, provided the occasional flinch at Detective Douche’s unwanted back pats. He might not have completely hated Daniel anymore, but his casual nature could occasionally be jarring, even on the best of days. And while Linda may have mentioned jealousy at one point, he had informed her that it was a very poor conclusion as a doctor to come to.

  
Anyways.

  
“Took you long enough,” Chloe said, watching him approach with her window rolled down. He glanced longingly at his corvette – but even when he did drive the Detective in it, she would never let him have any fun.

  
“I’m afraid you caught me a bit by surprise,” he replied. That much was truthful, if not the whole truth.

  
Chloe nodded, already switching focus. “Yeah, well get on in,” she gestures as Lucifer slides into the passenger seat. He was careful to put on the relaxed air the Detective might be used to, without really putting any strain on his back. If only his metabolism was as affected by her presence as his healing abilities… there were a few Oxys she might not approve of, but he was certainly wishing they’d be much good. Even if he was more vulnerable to them, they didn’t last as long, and wouldn’t do quite as much as he’d like against the pain of his wings – not without enough to make him completely useless to the Detective.

  
Chloe began to explain some of the more intricate details of the case. While he usually was on his best effort to listen, each bump in the road caused his back to flare up. Dammit, if he had just had another hour or so before this… he hadn’t come in so soon after to work with her, so the whole vulnerability thing in this area was a bit untested.

  
Still, while she might have given him the odd glance or so at the lack of his usual overly suggestive jokes, he was present enough for her not to directly comment. The sound of her voice was soothing, even with matters so unpleasant as this one.

  
Lucifer had to admit, he craved the sense of normalcy that this brought, after all of the changes – internal and otherwise, what with that new Lt. They pulled up, parking next to the crime scene as they both got out. Lucifer followed the Detective’s lead, ducking under the tape surrounding the scene.

  
“Hey, Ella,” Chloe greeted. The forensic scientist turns to her, a focused look in her always-bright eyes.

  
“Oh! Good, Chloe, Lucifer. There’s some weird stuff at this scene, I gotta tell you.”

  
Lucifer stepped up, looking over the Detective’s shoulder. “Weird?” He questioned, “How so, Ms. Lopez?”

  
Ella walked to the first dead body. “Well this girl, here. I’ll have to wait for results from the lab, but it looks like she was killed by strangulation, despite her other injuries. There’s not enough blood, so it was probably a body dump. She definitely had it rough before she died, poor girl.”

  
Lucifer reaffirmed her pity with a sad nod himself. The young woman had been rid of her clothes, and the injuries made his blood boil, itching for punishment.

  
Chloe took in a deep breath, steadying herself. “Well, it looks like she must have put up a fight, so definitely test for any leftover DNA. Have you identified her?”

  
“Nope,” Ella popped the p at the end. “Jane Doe, for now. But if we come over here, just behind the trashcan…” She gestured for them to follow as she led them to the next body.

  
The scene was more gruesome than the last. “She was killed here, it wasn’t a body dump,” Chloe stated.

  
“Right, and normally I would think that it was coincidental – like someone stumbled on the body dump and the killer needed to shut up a witness- “

  
“If it weren’t for the fact that this might as well be that other girl’s twin sister,” Lucifer finishes for her.

  
Chloe nods in agreement. “And that’s why we’re scared of a serial killer.”

  
“That and the injuries… they’re almost identical.”

  
Lucifer’s lips raised in disgust. “So he must have had it planned out all along.”

  
After Ella had finished examining the crime scene and Lucifer had helped interview some of the witnesses, Chloe and Lucifer decided on going back to the station. Sometimes, Lucifer might leave it for the day – after all, this was the time of plenty of paperwork was done, which was something Lucifer really never understood why Chloe would do willingly.

  
Other days, he, of course, stayed, gracing the precinct with his presence, grabbing a sandwich, and maybe, just maybe, eating a certain Douche’s pudding.

  
That’s just what Lucifer felt like today. “After you, Detective,” He offered, letting her get to the driver’s side of the var before he slid into the passenger seat.

  
“You know, this would all be a lot faster if we had taken my ride. And a lot more fun," he smirked.

  
Chloe rolled her eyes with a sigh, but Lucifer thought he caught a glance of a smile or lightening in the small wrinkle the Detective’s face got when she was worried about something.

  
“Yeah, that’s so not happening,” She replied easily.

  
Lucifer shook his head fondly, but as the car hit a bump, his breath grew sharp. He could still feel the wounds on his back throbbing in pain. The usual haze of it had made it harder for him to lighten u the mood at the crime scene, and with a from Lucifer realized that with his expression, Chloe seemed to gain that tired look again.

  
Lucifer made a promise to try his damnedest to keep it off her face. She had enough on her late with this case, and he, of course, had enough Drama without a stressed human detective. Of course, what if she got too high blood pressure? Suffered a heart attack? Or something else as ridiculous, it would be pinned on him, and while maybe he was being a tad dramatic, it was best to keep his discomfort hidden a bit longer. He could make it through the day.

So, when they stopped rather abruptly at the precinct, Lucifer ground his teeth together but kept his usual relaxed, Devilish air.

  
…

  
Chloe was busy with paperwork, and Lucifer was bored. He had tried several conversations, but with no luck. For some reason, the detective simply did not want his kind of entertainment. Well, no matter. He could see he was far too distracting for her. But Ella was out rushing the lab for DNA results, their new Lt Peirce was who-knows-where, and Detective Douche wasn’t fun to bother.  
So that left only one course of action: raid the vending machine.

  
He could easily open the door with his crafty ways around locks, or even simply put in money. But where was the fun, the challenge in that? So instead, as he observed the rows of snacks and sandwiches, he would find just the perfect way to shake the machine so that it would dispense something for him, free of charge.  
The miserable morsels were dreadfully overpriced anyways.

  
His plans were quickly interrupted when the last (or well, one of the last. He might rather not have Amenadiel show up at the moment) person he wanted to show up.  
“Ah, Daniel!” He smiled charmingly at the detective, leaning casually against the vending machine.  
“What, my pudding’s not enough…” he grumbles in response to Lucifer’s antics. He of course, only gets a more cheerful look in his eye at that. “Chloe wants you back. Need to talk with you about something she found in the files.”

  
Lucifer nodded at Dan’s explanation. Although he didn’t look terribly pleased with most likely being asked to come to fetch him, he still dutifully returned to the Detective’s desk with him.  
“Oh! Lucifer, I think I have a decent theory with one of the people you interviewed, but I just wanted your opinion, since you talked to them a bit more in depth,” She looked at him while speaking, and for some unimaginable reason, Lucifer thought that maybe his heart had skipped a beat. A rather concerning medical syndrome, if it hadn’t been imagined, in the Detective’s presence. But honestly, he didn’t trust a bit of his physical responses – with the whole wing situation everything was off, and the blood loss, which he could still feel slick against his back between his black suit, surely didn’t help.

  
Chloe’s gaze moved behind him, to Daniel. “Thanks, Dan,” she said politely, a clear gesture he could get back to whatever it was he was meant to be doing. He smiled at the Detective and raised a hand to give a friendly pat to Lucifer’s back as he walked away.

  
Lucifer cursed himself that he didn’t flinch out of the way fast enough.

  
Dan’s hand made contact right between his shoulder blades. Excruciating, stinging pain struck, overcoming the almost-normal ache of before. He couldn’t help how his face contorted as he felt a cold sweat gather on his forehead. He let out a pained gasp, and both Dan’s and Chloe’s eyes were on him.

  
“Lucifer? Are you alright?” Chloe stood, stepping towards him. Lucifer backed away, holding his hand out to keep his distance. He hurt, and people coming nearer likely wouldn’t help the situation. He only wished his hand wasn’t shaking as he did so.

  
“Man, what the –“ Dan’s voice shook Lucifer back into the moment, as he remembered just who he was around. He struggled to regain composure, but his breaths were unsteady, and each movement set off a new wave of pain. Dan held his hand out. “That’s blood,” he stated, voice unsteady. 

  
Lucifer saw the shift in Chloe’s demeanor in an instant. Concern hardened into determination, and in an oddly disconnected since he found her quite endearing right then. “Alright, we’re going to get you to the medic, God, where are you even hurt?”

  
Lucifer recoiled at the mention of his father. He was the whole damn reason for this very mess in the first place. “No! No, detective, I… no doctors, no medics, none of that,” he winced as it came out sharp and harsh, but Chloe didn’t move an inch. She stared right back at him, and then at Dan, who shrugged, and then Back to Lucifer.

  
“…Fine. Dan, I’ll take care of it,” she mentioned softly. She led Lucifer, still hunched over and slightly wobbly into the interrogation room, where he promptly slid to the floor to sit down. His eyes where squeezed shut again as he tried to gain control of the burning pain, to push it down into the small annoyance that it had been, but it hurt. Through his back, his shoulders, his neck, and worst of all, where the damn wings should have been in the first place.

  
He still heard the click as the Detective closed the door behind her. She knelt beside him on one of her knees, and he opened his eyes again to meet her grey ones. “Lucifer,” she asked.

  
“Hm?”

  
“Take off your shirt. I need to see how badly you’re hurt.” She was leaving the ending to that out, and Lucifer knew it. It was either ‘so I can decide you need to get to the hospital anyway because I still don’t believe you’re the devil’ or ‘so I’m reassured you’re just your dramatic self’.

  
So, he chose what Linda might call “evasion”.

  
“Oh? Are you rethinking my offer? And in the workplace, how very naughty,” he quipped. 

  
Chloe let out an exasperated breath, pushing back a small strand of hair that had fallen out from her tight ponytail. “No, absolutely not, and unless you just do it, I’ll make you have a medical evaluation and you’ll have to anyways.”

  
Lucifer huffed. What had seemed like a mercy, shielding him from the curious eyes of the precinct was in the end, just a way of corning him.

  
“Please, Lucifer? You’ve been acting off all day, and now I know you’re hurt and… I’m worried,” her voice was soft, genuine.

  
He lifted his shoulders back, shrugging off his coat before unbuttoning each button of his shirt methodically. His jaw was tense, teeth clenched from the sharp pains coming from his back. He shrugged his shirt off as well and tried his best not to react as the Detective let out a shocked gasp.

  
She reached out, peeling off the bloodied bandage, and Lucifer let out a whimper as it pulled on his open skin.

  
“Oh my…. I-I mean, what happened?” Chloe asked breathlessly, catching herself from saying the rather sensitive ‘G-word’.

  
“Nothing too bad, I promise you, if you could just lend me a new bandage…”

  
“No!” Chloe halted him. “No, Lucifer, this is serious! You’re really hurt, and at least it looks like it’s stopped, but who did this to you?”

  
It might have been the pain or his vulnerability, or just his time on earth rubbing off a little too much, but Lucifer couldn’t find a way to answer comfortably without a lie. “I’d really rather not say; can’t we just keep it at that?” His voice had an edge of desperation.

  
“No, Lucifer- “

  
“Really, I assure you it’s not anyone who would bring harm to you- “

  
“Lucifer…”

  
“It’s really not your business- “

  
“Lucifer.”

  
“And I can manage quite just fine on my own, thank you very much!”

  
“Lucifer!” The detective’s tone was harsh and pressing.

  
“Fine,” he snapped. “Fine! It was me, better now? I did this to my bloody self,” he practically snarled.

  
For a minute, Chloe was stunned into a shocked silence. Lucifer watched her with a mixed feeling of both dread and satisfaction, quickly sliding much farther to the former as her expression morphed into pity.

  
“Oh, Lucifer… I – we really need to talk about this, but I need to stop them from bleeding again. You’ve cracked the scabs…”

  
Chloe looked around the room, clearly not finding what she was looking for. Presumably, something else to bandage his back with. The thought was kind, but something deep within him recoiled at the thought of her pity at his self-inflicted state. By tomorrow it wouldn’t matter anyway. The bloody wings would be back, and these wounds would be gone, not even a scar to commemorate his efforts at flipping his dad the biggest celestial bird he could think of.

  
“Alright,” Chloe interrupted his thoughts, “Are you really going to refuse to get this checked out properly?” Lucifer nodded emphatically.

  
“Detective, you must know by now, you won’t easily get me to do something I don’t wish to do.” He gave a rough smile at the statement and was rewarded with the trembling smile of the Detective in response.

  
She nodded. “Of course you’re going to make this hard,” she shook her head, looking up at the ceiling of the interrogation room. “I’ll get a first aid kit, bring it back, and once you’re not… bleeding so much, I’m driving you back to Lux.”

  
“But, Detective, there’s still a case – really, you mustn’t – “

  
“What, worry?” Chloe scoffed. “Of course I’m worried! This is… this is serious Lucifer. I should be getting you to a hospital, or, or something as it is, and I know you don’t want that but…” Chloe took a breath. It was shaky as she collected herself. “Lucifer, please just let me help you.”

  
The Detective, Chloe, was worried about him? The thought brought a tightness in his throat, and Lucifer wasn’t sure his voice would be so casual if he were to respond out loud. So instead, he nodded and watched her hurriedly exit the room in search of a first aid kit. There was an odd panging in his chest, and quite honestly, he had no idea what the cause must be, or why. Maybe, it wasn’t just disgust at the idea of being pitied, but also… he had somehow hurt Chloe. He felt guilty for worrying her; after all, it was truly unnecessary. And having her care… he wouldn’t say it was fear, but he didn’t understand any of this.

  
Linda may just be able to untangle the mess of thoughts and emotions constricting in his chest and clogging his throat, but he was sure as Hell he could not.  
After a few long minutes (if Amenadiel didn’t have his powers, Lucifer would swear it was a cruel trick…) Chloe came back. She held a standard red package filled with basic first-aid supplies as well as some garish neon gauze which Lucifer had a suspicion had been nicked from Miss Lopez.  
“Alright, sit with you’re back towards me and I’ll see what I can do,” Chloe breathed. She still seemed in a bit of disbelief at the situation. Almost bitterly, Lucifer wonders what her reaction would be if she believed the reason for the wounds.

  
Still, he complied, wincing as the muscles in his back shifted to meet her demands. He tried to hide it, but the way Chloe’s eyebrows knit together meant he wasn’t as successful as he’d hoped.  
He heard her open up a package, and let out a yelp, feeling something cold and wet stinging his wounds.

  
“Detective,” he groans.

  
“What, now the Devil can’t handle a little antibacterial wipe?” Although her voice was teasing, Lucifer could feel her touch become just a little softer, and that same odd sensation gripped his chest once again.

  
He sat as still as he could as the Detective tended to him. It was strange, being cared for this way. He tried to stop the cascading mount of feelings from overwhelming him, but still, they were there. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had been so gentle with him – and in a way that was not selfish or sexual. There was a nagging suspicion that maybe she would want something from him for doing this – but the detective was not like that. She was not one to manipulate and he hated to even think about that. After all, despite being put in his path… she was just as much unaware of His Plan as Lucifer himself was. And yet, here she was, tending to him.

  
Once Chloe had deemed the wounds clean enough to stop them from being infected she carefully wrapped them to help them heal and prevent them from bleeding. Although Lucifer had clearly tried to do something similar himself that morning before he left, it was much better achieved with a helping (caring) hand. And even if Chloe really thought he shouldn’t be avoiding the hospital for a wound like this, she felt much better with him in his current state than earlier.

  
“Right, there.” She nodded, satisfied with her work and dressing Lucifer’s wounds.

  
His back still turned to her Lucifer spoke gently, quietly, but just loud enough so that he knew Chloe would be able to hear him. “Thank you, Detective,”

  
He stood up from his seat at the interrogation table then, retrieving his shirt and jacket, and redressing, though not without difficulty. He found it suddenly hard to look the Detective in her eyes when he let out a pained gasp at moving his shoulders in just the wrong way. So instead, he just followed behind her as they left the precinct and got into her car.

  
The drive back to Lux was silent and awkward; neither of them in the mood to turn on the radio, but not wanting to talk about what had just happened yet. Lucifer would rather avoid the subject altogether, to return the next day as if it had never happened with only the promise to himself to be more careful the next time his wings became too much to bear.

  
Finally, when Lux was in their view, the silence was broken. “Is it… okay if I come in for a bit?” Chloe sounded hesitant, unsure if he would push her away as he often did when things got too difficult.

  
Lucifer was silent still for a few more moments. “You are always welcome to, Detective, of course,” he finally settled on. “But don’t you still have to tend to matters at the station?”  
Chloe shook her head. “You’re more important right now. I already sent a message that I was going to be leaving early, and Dan… well, Dan knows what he needs to.” The car stopped in front of the nightclub as Lucifer signaled to the valet to take Chloe’s keys and park the car. Lucifer also discreetly let the bouncer know there wasn’t going to be any festivities that night, and the two headed into the elevator to his penthouse.

  
“Would you like something to drink?” Lucifer offered, desperate to break some of the tension in the room between them. Chloe was so serious about this, and honestly, he couldn’t see the call for such large amounts of concern.

  
“Water’s good,” she replied, not to Lucifer’s surprise. She rarely indulged, much in contrast to himself.

  
He poured the two of them drinks and joined Chloe who had taken a seat at the bar.

  
“Right,” she said with a sigh, “So do you want to tell me what’s going on? I mean, doing something like that to yourself, Lucifer, I’m worried about you. Does Linda know?”

  
Lucifer scoffed, taking a sip from his own (much more alcoholic) drink. “I’m removing a gift from Dad, that’s all this is. And yes, she does – have you two been talking? You sound an awful lot alike right now.”

  
Chloe stared at him, her heart dropping into her stomach as she seemed to put two and two together. A gift from his dad, the wounds on his back – there was only one thing that made any sense. “The scars? From your dad?”

  
Lucifer shook his head, setting down his drink with a little more force than necessary. “Those scars are from the last time I cut my wings off. Honestly, Detective, this would all make more sense if you would just believe me,” he added with a grumble.

  
Why did it have to be that the only person who was this concerned also didn’t accept the situation as it was? Meanwhile, his brother just thought of this as some new way to get back in their father’s good graces instead of realizing how much Lucifer hated this. They weren’t who he was, he couldn’t go back to that and he thought he had made that Damn clear with the first pair.  
“I’m trying, with your metaphors, it’s just – “ Chloe stopped, her eyes focused on something behind him. Lucifer took another long drink from his glass.  
“It’s not a metaphor, detective, that’s the point!”

  
“Yeah, Lucifer… what is that?” Her voice was oddly detached. Lucifer followed her gaze behind him.

  
“What is – oh. Oh.”

  
His wings from this morning, next to his bed, because of his hatred of doors, were just partially visible and splattered with blood.

  
He finished off his glass and refilled it – he was going to need it.

  
Meanwhile, the detective got up, walking closer to the mess he had left behind. Lucifer felt a wave of resentment again for his brother – if he was going to be a godly dick, he could at least keep doing it in ways that were convenient for himself. But of course, he hadn’t gotten rid of Lucifer’s wings in the shared silent agreement they had.

  
And that spark of anger was quickly put out by the horrified look on the detective’s face as she got a better look at his wings. Ex-wings, the bloody mess that they were.  
“Is this… some sort of joke?” Chloe’s voice was quiet, and she met his eyes, pleading. It certainly would be much easier for her if it were – no grand revelation then, and she would just be mad at him and things would at least have a hope of going back to normal.

  
“I’m afraid not,” he replied, “Although I assure you, I didn’t think they’d still be here myself.”

  
Chloe’s breaths were uneven as she attempted to process the situation. Her head nodded slowly. “You’ve never lied to me. The metaphors, the Devil stuff it’s all… real.”

  
Lucifer bristled. “Of course, I’ve never lied to you, I never lie.” But even then, what things would she think of him then? Now that she was realizing he truly was the monster he said he was – the evil the world said he must be – he only could wait for her to leave.

  
Would she be mad? Would she leave, run away be… be scared of him? Her fear was not something he would ever want to be the source of, but there was a reason even his brothers would greet a human with the standard “be not afraid”.

  
The possibilities running through his head didn’t at all prepare Lucifer for what happened in reality.

  
“So you cut off a limb?! Lucifer, why the hell would you do that to yourself,” said Chloe, her voice high with concern.

  
The response, to be perfectly honest, had him stunned. “Is that… the most pressing thing at the moment?” And to think, she was the one looking at him like he had lost it, instead of the other way around.

  
Chloe sighed, walking towards him. For a second, Lucifer feared she would keep walking, past him to the elevator, and out of his life. But instead, she sat down next to him. She reached her hand out, touching Lucifer’s arm but it was overwhelming, and he flinched away in spite of himself. He tried not to read too much into the hurt look in Chloe’s eyes.

  
“Lucifer, look. Knowing that all of this is real, you, heaven, hell, that whole shebang? Yeah, that’s going to take some time to process. But you’re still you. You’re a good man, and I… I can’t say I’m afraid, not of you.” There were tears in Chloe’s eyes as she spoke and based on the way his vision blurred he couldn’t say he was much better off.

  
“How?” There was so much more he wanted to say, but at the moment, that was the best he could get out.

  
Chloe shifted on the bar stool into a more comfortable position, leaning slightly on the counter. “Well, besides the fact your love really awful of Devil and sex-related puns?” Lucifer’s lips twitched up. “Um, well… when we first met, and I was shot working with you on that Delilah case? I saw… something. But I didn’t let myself believe, of course, because it sounds crazy. But, yeah. I guess the idea that you were telling the truth crossed my mind.”

  
Truly, Lucifer had never imagined this going so well. Chloe – although obviously shaken up didn’t hate him. She wasn’t running away. “Detective,” he started. “Chloe. I need you to understand, my wings, they aren’t me. I’m not…” He swallows. “I’m no angel, after all. And I have another face, much more, well, monstrous.” He didn’t want to fool her into thinking he was something less severe than the truth, after all. But after the way Linda reacted when he showed her, well… Despite how well the Detective was currently taking things, he was still scared of losing her.

  
Chloe shook her head. “Lucifer, that’s not how you are to me either – you can show me if you want, but you won’t scare me away.” She had a point to prove and she was determined to prove it, to show Lucifer that he deserved compassion no matter what. As she spoke she leaned in to make better eye contact with him, but he looked away. Avoiding her. Again.

  
It’s not that he didn’t believe the detective when she said that she wouldn’t run at the sight of him. At least, he didn’t think she was trying to lie. But how could she possibly know? It was too much for him, too much openness after all that had happened today, and Chloe seemed to sense that as she moved away just a bit, giving him space. “Sorry,” he croaked. Damn all these emotions.  
“No, Lucifer, it’s alright. I know it’s been a lot today, I mean it’s a lot for me and,” the detective placed her hand over his, and this time, he didn’t flinch away.

  
They sat like that for several more minutes, a heavy silence broken with bits of conversation before Lucifer decided he would at the very least put his wings (and all the blood) out of sight. The Detective let him, although she wasn’t pleased about him being up and about when he had chopped off two of his own limbs. He had to smile a bit at the concern – of course, he could at least manage that – but in return for letting him clean up he offered her that he would rest for the remainder of her stay.

  
And so that’s how the two of them ended up together on the couch, legs touching just slightly, arguing over what movie they were going to watch.

  
“I am the invalid here, as you said, so it only seems fair you would let me pick, Detective,” Lucifer whined.

  
Chloe met him with an eye-roll and exasperation seeping out of every pore of her skin. “You know, I would be fine with that if it weren’t for this!”

  
Lucifer scoffed, pretending to be offended. “But Detective! It’s one of my favorites! A timeless classic, I would say!”

  
Lucifer chuckled as he watched Chloe shut her eyes to avoid from rolling them again. After all, they could just get stuck like that. But there was still an amused glimmer in her eyes when she opened them. “We’re not watching Hot Tub High School. No way. I don’t need to see you drool at my own boobies, thank you.”

  
Lucifer snorted at that. “Fine, then put on whatever you want if you won’t give me the pleasure of watching my favorite movie.” He dangled the remote in front of her, and she snatched it from him.  
Chloe decided to open Netflix (he had almost every streaming site she could name, although, what else could she expect) and eventually settled on an animated Disney film which was, surprisingly, not Disney.

  
Lucifer raised a questioning eyebrow. “What? You learn to like these when you have a kid. And I’m in the mood for something happy.”  
He held his hands up in defense. “Well, then I assure you I won’t deprive you of a desire, however… utterly plain it might be. I bet they won’t even bang on screen,” he grumbled, causing Chloe to giggle. The sound was, well, angelic to him, in the best sense of the word.

  
Although there weren’t as many fun bits as he would like (or, well, any pretty much) he found himself enjoying it nonetheless. He thought he might like to try his hand at playing the songs from it on his piano. That and the detective and him had slowly been moving closer throughout the movie until he found his head on her shoulder, and her arm draped very carefully around his back. A little opposite from the traditional idea, but honestly, he didn’t mind. And from the way the Detective – Chloe – was looking at him she didn’t either.

  
He was tired, after all of that. And Chloe felt, well, safe. So, if he fell asleep on her shoulder watching an animated princess movie, who was going to blame him for it?

  
…

  
It was early in the morning when Lucifer woke up. From the moment he opened his eyes he could tell. His wings were back. He didn’t even have time to wonder how he had ended up in his own bed or consider where Chloe might have gone before the thought consumed him.  
Usually, the took much less time to return. But usually, he wasn’t around the Detective for quite as long. He had been hoping that they would come back slower this time, especially if she had stayed…

  
Lucifer pulled himself to his feet and opened the bedside drawer where he had been stashing his demon blade. He held it in his hand, admiring the glint to the never-dulling edge. He needed his wings off. It was as if his father’s hand was directly on his shoulder, forming him. The angel he was supposed to be; the son he was supposed to be.  
But he wasn’t any of that, he refused to go back, he couldn’t go back, not again. He felt himself shaking, dreading what he was going to have to do. Again. How many times?  
“Lucifer?” Chloe’s sleepy voice snapped his attention back to her. He dropped the blade, and it clattered on the hard floor of his bedroom.

  
The Detective sat up. She had also taken advantage of his bed, he realized, and he had been too focused on the feelings of his bloody wings to notice her right beside him. She looked much more awake now. She looked at the blade and back up to him with something like horror in her eyes. “Lucifer? What are you planning to do with that.” Her tone was forcefully even.

  
“The wings, the bloody things, they’re back. I – I apologize, Detective, I wouldn’t do that in front of you. But it might be best you leave now.” He reached down to pick back up the blade.  
In an instant, Chloe was there, her hand on his, the one that was gripping the blade. She was stopping him – although he could easily overpower her, he let her bring his arm down, and take the knife away from him. His breathing felt ragged again.

  
“No way in hell am I leaving now, Lucifer,” Chloe stated. “Do they come back like that often? Have… have you done this before?”

  
Lucifer found his feet very interesting very quickly. “It’s like whack-a-mole back there,” he tried to bring himself to joke, repeating the phrase he gave to his therapist, but it was a half-hearted measure.

  
Chloe’s breath came sharply, heavy with concern. “You can’t cut them off again, please. Promise me you won’t.”

  
Lucifer looked at her helplessly. How could he promise that, when he wanted them gone so much in this moment. “Chloe,” he started, an edge of desperation evident in his voice. “I can feel them under my skin. They’re… a symbol of him, of my lack of choice, of before. I can’t go back to that…” He shudders at just the thought. He had pushed those memories far away, and eons of hell had certainly been helpful with that.

  
Chloe gestured for him to sit next to her on the bed, so he did. The Detective pushed her hair behind her shoulder, still down from whenever they had gotten to bed. “You don’t have to go back to anything you don’t want, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, either.” It was a brave start, considering his father was literally God. But somehow, it was reassuring all the same.  
“Lucifer, what you’re doing right now… it’s torturing you. You don’t need to be punished for anything. You could make them your own.” Chloe’s hand touched his shoulder, where his scars used to be, and though he flinched slightly, he let her hand trace the smooth skin. He didn’t respond to her, instead choosing to think. She… wasn’t wrong.

  
Doing this certainly wasn’t his idea of fun, despite his joy in all things that would piss off his dad. But who knows? Maybe this was the twisted form of punishment after all. Give him the wings he hates and watch him hurt himself over and over to get rid of them. Both options were less than desirable.

  
“Detective…”

  
“Hm?”

  
“Would you mind if I showed them to you?” Lucifer’s not sure why he asked but hell, at this point he figures he’ll try anything.

  
Chloe blinked as if she didn’t quite process what was being asked. But then she nodded.

  
Lucifer shifted the angle he was sitting so he was directly facing her. After all, he didn’t really feel like whacking his human partner directly in the face with a feathered celestial weapon. He rolled his shoulders back and felt the slight relief that came with bringing the wings into the same realm he was in, like finally scratching an itch that wouldn’t go away.

  
“Wow,” Chloe breathed. She reached her hand out but paused. “Can I… Can I touch them?”

  
Lucifer hesitated. Chloe didn’t have the dreamy look in her eyes that more susceptible mortals might get upon seeing them, but he still wanted to be cautious. That and… touching them was deeply personal. Not only did they not feel like his any longer, but the last time someone had touched them with any care was… well, before the Fall.

  
But this was the Detective. Chloe. So he nodded his consent.

  
She closed the gap between her hands and his wings, brushing over them gently at first, causing Lucifer to shiver. “That tickles,” he complains. Her eyes widen in shock, which brings a smile to his face. Her surprise at the fact that yes, his wings were real, and yes, they were his actual limbs was endlessly amusing despite the unwanted situation of it in the first place. He could feel himself calm as she traced his feathers a bit more firmly this time, digging her fingers into soft downy feathers. He sighed, the soft innocent pleasure filling him.

  
“How about we get back in bed?” Chloe suggests, and so they do.

  
Chloe keeps running her hands through his feathers, keeping him sleepy and docile, and if they fall asleep again holding each other?

  
Well, who can blame them?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Thank you so much for reading. I've been obsessed with Lucifer for the past few months and it got me to actually start writing fanfiction again! I read all of the h/c genre for this fandom so I figured why not create my own? It was totally supposed to be a short one shot and now its... well, for me, a pretty damn long one. 
> 
> I know there are some mistakes here, which I hope y'all can forgive me for, I've lost a lot of sleep writing this so I wasn't prepared to do more editing then Grammarly told me I had to. 
> 
> Anyways please let me know what you think!


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